Just in case you were wondering how high the chances are that an AT&T employee will ever win the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay we have the answer for you: 0%.

Why are we so crude you ask? Well, apparently you haven’t yet read AT&T’s latest attempt in writing a piece of original dialogue.

BoyGeniusReport comes to the rescue with two AT&T crowd control documents that contain some of the funniest (and not in a comedy-kinda-way) lines of dialogue I have ever read in my life.

Excerpt:

INT. A QUIET MALL – MORNING

A timid AT&T STORE MANAGER, 34, with a crooked nose and a wrinkly corporate shirt knocks on a polished glass door. The LANDLORD, 54, balding and overweight lifts his heavy head from the cluttered desk. Waves the store manager inside.

Store Manager: Good Morning Mr. Landlord.

Landlord: Good Morning Store Manager.

Store Manager: As you may have heard, AT&T and Apple will soon introduce a new product called the iPhone which will be sold in our Stores across the country. Based on the excitement of this new product we are expecting to see an increase in customer traffic during the launch of this new product. I would like to work with you to make sure Launch Day activities on June 29th run smoothly at our store.

Ten minutes into the conversation…

Store Manager: Since this is high metropolitan area and we believe this store will have high customer traffic, I was wondering if you have any stanchions that you may have used during the Holiday Season that I may be able to borrow.

Landlord: Unfortunately, we do not own any stanchions that you may be available to you.

Store Manager: I understand; do you know of any other tenants on the Property that may own some from an event that they have had? Possibly Circuit City?

Landlord: In my experience of managing this property, we have not had any product launches such as this where stanchions may have been needed. As a result, I do not know of tenants that own crowd control devices.

Intigrued? Go ahead and download the entire screenplay Sample Dialogue PDF and Crowd Control document from BoyGeniusReport.

And yes, AT&T’s answer to crowd control for the iPhone will be…. stanchions…